Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
