Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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