Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize