I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
