We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
