My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
