She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
