i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
