I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
