I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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