So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
