I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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