i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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