that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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