I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
