Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
