She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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