I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
