So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
