so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
