My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just pee around me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
