There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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