he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
