Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
