so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
being pregnant is like rehab
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
