I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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