please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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