imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize