i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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