Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
