If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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