Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
