I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
