Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
