someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
