you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
