i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
