He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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