How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
