Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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