I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
