...so i touched it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
