people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
