Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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