bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
