my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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