Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
