her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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