Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
