an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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