My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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