that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
