Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My balls are so social today.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
