OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
did i just pee glitter
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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