Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
