i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
