The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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