Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
