You made me cry and you don't even care
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
