I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
