so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
