So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
