i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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