i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I could fuck to npr.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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