I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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