just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize