Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
