I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
