im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
